he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
