I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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