I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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