Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think my mom watched the whole time
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
