Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
