I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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