we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
