Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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