i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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