is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can text with my tongue
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
