she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
