Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
