I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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