We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
