I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
