I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
should my penis look like a turkey
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
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