Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
