Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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