found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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