He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
