Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
