There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
that's an acceptable place to lick
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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