Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
