so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just high enough for therapy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
