he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
