You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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