You work out of a Hotel?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
