Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
