Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
