You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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