$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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