She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
