Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
