he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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