TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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