..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I believe in your delicious
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize