just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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