Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
