Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
