You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
