i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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