just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
