but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
