i already hear my dad disowning me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
