I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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