hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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