Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize