There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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