But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
we're so committed to being not committed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
