the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
