You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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