I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
