I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
