after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
