how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
third nipple confirmed
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
