Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
