i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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