Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
