I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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