I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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