Whod you bang
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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