You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
