And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
