OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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