Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
