I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
