the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
