I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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