I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
