is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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