he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
