roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Your cock deserves a montage
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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