My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
