Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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