I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
