you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
