So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
