somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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