I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize